Etiquette advice needed

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 01 Jul 2008, 12:11

Is is acceptable to wear black to a wedding?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 01 Jul 2008, 14:00

Take it this is about your dress not a gents suit?

Google seems to give a few different views on this one.
Seems it was a no no in days gone by unless in mourning.

It seems that its more acceptable these days, some bridesmaids are wearing black.

Why not ask the bride what she thinks.

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 01 Jul 2008, 14:37

SoupDragon wrote:Take it this is about your dress not a gents suit?

Yes SD.( Though, coincidentally, Homer is planning on wearing a black suit!)
I recently bought a black dress from Monsoon, which I really like, but a friend was horrified that I was considering wearing it to a wedding (even if it is with ivory accessories) simply because of the colour. I hadn't realised that wearing black to a wedding is traditionally seen as wishing ill on the marriage

I'm really not a 'floral' sort of person, so my next choice is a bright blue dress ......with black wrap, hat etc. I just can't get away from black it seems!

The wedding is to be very traditional and formal (in a gorgeous National Trust property in Suffolk), so I don't want to make a social faux pas. Just wondered if this was a widely held superstition or if most, like me, hadn't heard of it before.

Asking the bride is probably the best idea.

Grunk · Post by **Grunk** » 01 Jul 2008, 14:47

Offset the black with a cerise shawl or bow or something.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 01 Jul 2008, 15:18

Black kilts are becoming more and more prevalent, common in fact. personally I think black would be acceptable for a lady too. Since when were teachers bothered?

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 01 Jul 2008, 15:31

black and ivory are very chic for wedding.

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 01 Jul 2008, 18:37

Porty wrote:Black kilts are becoming more and more prevalent, common in fact. personally I think black would be acceptable for a lady too. Since when were teachers bothered?

Since I intend masquerading as a lady, it just might be OK. Mind you Porty, I'm not sure I trust you 100% for advice on dress etiquette - cross dressing in foreign climes does not make you the Gok Wan of Portobello.

Do we not have any posh users on here at all? Someone must have a copy of Debrett's squirreled away, surely?

And thanks for the thumbs up Grunk and Sandra. I'm feeling more optimistic that it is my friend that is odd, not me

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 01 Jul 2008, 19:06

I'd never have thought about wearing black being a problem until you mentioned it Marya then I googled it.
As a matter of intrest someone said on another forum that the ladies from Sex and the City wore little black dresses for a wedding

seashell · Post by **seashell** » 01 Jul 2008, 19:27

Gosh - I thought this was just as well known as "guests don't wear white to a wedding" in etiquette terms. I'm obviously very very old-fashioned.

Given the type of wedding you're going to be attending, it doesn't sound as if a predominately black outfit would be appropriate. I wouldn't suggest asking the bride - she's bound to more than enough things to worry about without adding the guests' outfit woes to her troubles.

Fair enough the Sex and the CIty gals doing their stuff in the US - but things are different here - e.g. they sit down at grave-side funerals, we don't.

If in doubt - err on the side of caution.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 01 Jul 2008, 19:49

Can you post a link to Monsoon's website so we can see the dress..then we could vote on it! And you could ignore the result anyway.

There's "black" and "black" - it depends a lot on the style and the material, I venture to suggest.

Also, as it's in Ingerland they'll just think you are following some quaint Scotch tradition, surely!!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 01 Jul 2008, 19:52

I hadn't realised that wearing black to a wedding is traditionally seen as wishing ill on the marriage

That's not so - my pal Margaret wore black to a wedding 30 years ago and the couple are still happily married!

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 01 Jul 2008, 20:36

Poppy wrote:Can you post a link to Monsoon's website so we can see the dress..then we could vote on it! And you could ignore the result anyway.

OK, but on the website it is only available in 'chocolate' so you'll have to imagine it in black!

It's called Macie

and it's the colour of this one called Gracie

I reckon Seashell is right - any doubt don't do it

SJP might be able to carry flaunt convention , but there's no way I can!

Can I wear my bright blue with a black hat, bag, sandals and sheer black beaded organza wrap though Seashell?

(The other dress is like this only in a kingfisher blue )

If I've to go and buy another whole outfit Homer will freak out!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 01 Jul 2008, 20:42

I think your first - black and ivory - choice was absolutely fine. Rather luverlee, in fact. You only seem to have started to have doubts when your dodgy pal cast aspersions!

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 01 Jul 2008, 21:07

Ach, I'd go for whatever you feel comfy in Marya

seashell · Post by **seashell** » 01 Jul 2008, 21:10

I think the black accessories would look chic.

THe main thing is that you feel good in what you're wearing - and if you feel that other people might disapprove - then you won't be confident. It sounds like it is going to be a lovely day - so go ahead and shine in your blue!

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 01 Jul 2008, 21:22

I like wearing the black dress best SD, but Seashell is right; I couldn't relax thinking others disapproved. I honestly didn't realise I was such a follower of convention, though Homer's nickname for me is 'safety officer' so perhaps I should have known!

The one thing I do know is that I'm not going to ask Homer for his opinion

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 02 Jul 2008, 10:05

Marya,
I love the black dress very chic. With ivory/colour accessories I think it would look braw.

Wear what you feel comfortable in but which gives a wow factor too.

Enjoy

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 02 Jul 2008, 22:14

I wore a black dress to a wedding a couple of years ago but I had a lilac and cream corsage and a lilac shawl over it. Nobody commented on it and I thought I looked okay

Come to think of it though........they're now divorced

I knew about the no white rule (can't upstage the bride!) but didn't know there was a black rule as well. If you have to buy ANOTHER outfit it might not be that marriage that doesn't last.....

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 02 Jul 2008, 22:39

I knew about the no white rule (can't upstage the bride!) but didn't know there was a black rule as well.

Exactly, EK! I think I might raise an eyebrow at a plain black business suit at a wedding [but then who knows people's circumstances] but I've been looking at recent wedding photos and a glam black dress esp with contrasting accessories seems popular and looks great. And knowing Marya's colouring, I think she'd lok fab in black and ivory. So there!! However, it sounds like the doubting Thomas's have put paid to that option for the auld bat!

BeachBum · Post by **BeachBum** » 03 Jul 2008, 06:53

Marya wrote:Is is acceptable to wear black to a wedding?

Perhaps one should consult with Debrett's

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 03 Jul 2008, 09:50

Poppy wrote: I think she'd lok fab in black and ivory.

Shucks

However, it sounds like the doubting Thomas's have put paid to that option for the auld bat!

(Knew you'd pay me back for that compliment

) True! However, I might do a wee bit of subtle enquiring of some of the other guests as to what they are wearing etc. I mean, the shops are full of black dresses and black hats; they can't all be worn to the races surely?

Epykat wrote:If you have to buy ANOTHER outfit it might not be that marriage that doesn't last.....

Very true Epykat. Mind you, he doesn't pay much attention to what's in my wardrobe. I bought the black dress for this year's sixth year leavers' Prom and he hasn't even seen it, as when I was leaving all I got was a 'Bye' shouted from the other end of the house

And the hat etc was bought for a wedding last year, when I was in a state of blissful ignorance about the 'no black' rule. So technically I haven't bought anything for this wedding yet.

Have you got a handy copy of Debrett's available then Michael?

Grunk · Post by **Grunk** » 03 Jul 2008, 13:21

If you are really concerned about wearing a black dress, then don't.

I'm sure you'll look lovely in whichever dress you pick.

Aside from that, Sussex can be a quite a bit warmer/sunnier than here on a summers day, would black be the best choice?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 03 Jul 2008, 13:30

Surely it would only be the most old fashioned nit pickers who would take offence.
They'll probably be looking for something to take umbrage at anyway so make it your dress rather than who got what favour.

Give them something to really gossip about.
Put Homer in the dress

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 03 Jul 2008, 15:04

SoupDragon wrote: Give them something to really gossip about.
Put Homer in the dress

Brilliant!

Grunk wrote: Sussex can be a quite a bit warmer/sunnier than here on a summers day, would black be the best choice?

It is Suffolk I'll have y'know

....and you make an excellent point, Grunk. I reckon I should cease my prattle and go shopping for a lighter coloured dress. I'll tell Homer it was what I wore to the wedding last year; he'll be none the wiser

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 03 Jul 2008, 17:27

But what if you get a lighter coloured dress, and it just happens to be the same colour as the bridesmaids, or the mother of the bride??

Weddings are just fraught with problems - be ill - don't go

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 03 Jul 2008, 19:38

I reckon I should cease my prattle and go shopping for a lighter coloured dress

Ahhhh! How very cunning, Marya. That's what this thread was really for............!

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 04 Jul 2008, 09:39

I'm shocked and appalled you think that Poppy.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 04 Jul 2008, 18:25

Did you think you could fool me for long?

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 17 Jul 2008, 11:23

Marya

Monsoon Sale is on.

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 17 Jul 2008, 12:59

I'm half way out the door already Sandra

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 17 Jul 2008, 18:41

Lots of quite nice stuff from what I saw when I has a quick peek on the way past yesterday!

sally_miranda · Post by **sally_miranda** » 19 Jul 2008, 01:43

It's fine to wear black as long as the bride isn't. Although I wonder how goth weddings guests manage? I think in Scotland we're not meant to wear red as that was what a scottish bride wore traditionally. I've never paid any attention though and regularly wear red and black to weddings.
Posh wears black to weddings.... Oh dear that might make your mind up.

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 30 Jul 2008, 13:20

Marya, how was the wedding and what did you wear?

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 30 Jul 2008, 13:34

Sandra wrote:Marya, how was the wedding and what did you wear?

Maybe she got carted off by the Fashion & Style Polis?

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 30 Jul 2008, 16:45

I've only just found this thread. Hope the wedding went well! I love a good wedding and always wear black (and a hat) I think the main rule nowadays is to wear something posh enough for the event but never upstage the bride. No white dresses!

Was attending quite a religious funeral recently so thought a black frock would fit right it. Expected the stern old ladies from the church to be in black hats and checking other guests for illicit colours. They were all in blues and greys and not a hat between them!

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

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