cable TV idea - Cillit Bang Elvis Bingo Mystery Channel

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 01 May 2007, 12:51

I can't look at photos any more without thinking about whether there are unexplained phenomena in them which must be ghosts or aliens.

I want an attic conversion (or even an extension) and am exhaustively trawling my archive for dirt specs and lens flare.

But then I thought that the smart money must be in these ghost programmes - no real costs, just some green light bulbs and a "medium" who can gabber on for a couple of hours.

I'm going to start my own cable channel, pad it overnight with these phone fraud "game"show things with the duff questions, then daytime will be an orgy of moneymaking ghost and UFO nonsense.

My spin is going to be that the presenter is the dead one off Blue Peter - you know, Hunniford's kid - who channels through some wannabe nonentity that I can also make front the phone-in shows.

What do you think of my business plan?

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 01 May 2007, 13:37

Dadaist wrote:What do you think of my business plan?

...I would say mental but I'm scared Caron might haunt me

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 01 May 2007, 13:53

Mental is fine - it might mean I'm posessed by a spirit and hence can carve a niche in the lucrative late-night possessed phone-in tv host market.

Dial Dada. All your parapsychological problems laughed at for £2/min.

(minimum call time 200 minutes)

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 01 May 2007, 16:00

Thought about adding in a shopping channel?
Overpriced tat a speciality.

Of course you need a host that could blether on about nothing for ages, doubt any of us would know someone like that round here.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 01 May 2007, 19:21

youre hired - just wait till you see the crud we're going to punt them

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 02 May 2007, 20:54

SoupDragon wrote:Thought about adding in a shopping channel?
Overpriced tat a speciality.

Of course you need a host that could blether on about nothing for ages, doubt any of us would know someone like that round here.

Of course you'll have to be able to drivel on and on for ages about each item that's up for rip off (oops I mean sale).

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 03 May 2007, 12:31

Now today's special offer is something I know you will all be interested in.
This is exclusive to us here at the Cillit Bang Elvis Mystery Channel.
This product cannot be bought in the shops in this condition, so is very special to us.
We have sought low and lower to bring you such an opportunity.
This quality is seldom seen in major retailers
So came take a closer look.
It's puir deid class, so it is.
Hee hee, something of the local vernacular to grab your interest.

Now the quality starts with the packaging, Dark Brown, as you can see, with Red to counterpoint, with gilt lettering.
Unwrap this and more sumptuous delight follows.
Pure gold like foil, ensuring the product is protected and kept fresh and for your exclusive enjoyment.
Ah unwrap that and smell the gorgeous aroma emanating from within.
Hmm. mmm

Remember this is exclusive to the Cillit Bang Elvis Mystery Channel. You will never find this sold in the shops like this.
Price to be displayed. With a nominal sum for postage and packing.

Now we've opened the outer layers lets look at whats inside.
Deep, dark, velvety brown.
Hmm mmm munch

A high organic cocoa mass is mixed with organic raw cane sugar.
Hmm mmm munch

Carrying on with the organic theme, organic vanilla is used in the manufacture.
Orange adds to the experience balanced by the warmth of cinnamon and nutmeg.
Munch

Not not only does this have all these marvellous ingredients it is suitable for vegetarians and vegans.
For those worried about allergies it is made in a nut free site.
Through the Fairtrade agreement you will be helping Mayan farmers in Belize, doesn't that make you fell good
So don't be disappointed, order now from the Cillit Bang Elvis Mystery Channel

Exclusive price to you our loyal viewers of £3.99 and £5 postage , packing and insurance.
You have my word that you will not find this in any shops at this price.

For those on a diet I have personally made sure that the calorie content is low

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 03 May 2007, 15:08

/impressed

** I knew you had talent **

I hope none of the inferior channels headhunt you. I knew this wasn't the gig you envisaged but stay with us, we're going places.

You've got the skills to pay the bills, Soupy. Just keep up the patter and get ready for that lorryload I told you about. It got stuck in Uzbek customs but a couple of bungs later and it's now at Folkestone.

This is the big time.

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 03 May 2007, 15:30

Dadaist wrote:/impressed

** I knew you had talent **

I hope none of the inferior channels headhunt you. I knew this wasn't the gig you envisaged but stay with us, we're going places.

You've got the skills to pay the bills, Soupy. Just keep up the patter and get ready for that lorryload I told you about. It got stuck in Uzbek customs but a couple of bungs later and it's now at Folkestone.

This is the big time.

...hope it's not a lorryload of Green & Black's or ye'll be puir deid in the water but at least your presenter is worth her weight in Maya Gold

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 03 May 2007, 15:51

I'm well impressed with that one Soupy. You deserve the job, no doubt about it.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 03 May 2007, 21:13

I hope you all realise that I HAD to eat some of the chocolate to get he authentic picture.
Don't worry I was happy to do that onerous task for your amusement

Now I've got a single earing, 5p from down the back of the sofa and a half chewed pencil. Think they'd make a good package deal?
Anything to add into the bundle for added value?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 03 May 2007, 21:22

I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

cable TV idea - Cillit Bang Elvis Bingo Mystery Channel

cable TV idea - Cillit Bang Elvis Bingo Mystery Channel

Re: cable TV idea - Cillit Bang Elvis Bingo Mystery Channel