Ironing boards suck

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 12:25

If there's one thing I hate, it's ironing boards.

No, I don't have a design alternative.

Bethany on Leith Walk (nice people) must have got in a job lot as they have an offer on - not only can you get 1 ironing board for Â£4, you can get 3 for a tenner.

WHO WANTS 3 IRONING BOARDS?

From start to finish, these things are rubbish and should go in the same bag as the things they laugh at in Dragon's Den. When they write the history of the human race I'm sure they'll find out that ironing boards were a ringer planted by vengeful aliens, or satan.

Most objects don't wobble on purpose.

No other object makes as annoying a clattery noise when you even brush past them - let alone the annoying clangy noise they make when you put your iron down on them.

The three things the ironing board is supposed to interact with are all incompatible :

1) Me. I hope to convince you of this.

2) Clothes.

3) Irons.

These things are like deck chairs with sharp bits when you try and put them up. Whether you've got one with a wee catch thing that you release for it to "slide" up whilst screaming at you, or one with different height setting dent-things that you're supposed to see through to the underside
with x-ray vision to - you're guaranteed high blood pressure by the time the thing is up.

Not to mention that, at some point in the transition between storage space and place of ironing it'll have clattered or clanged into a wall, door or eye.

That's if you've not put your back out bending down to put the thing up, gone hunchbacked from previous use of one that was too low, or otherwise got frustrated with the fact that those leg end bits always end up catching on something that it's next to wherever you store it.

If I had a bad guy coming after me, I would simply place an ironing board in between us - up or down, Mr Bad is sure to trip or explode with rage, or the cops would be alerted by the clanging, clattering noise. Or the screams and screeches as he tried to put it up or down.

Sometimes when a block of houses is being knocked down, the diggers expose really old wallpaper. You get a sense of the past and sometimes laugh at what used to pass as good taste. Or you could buy a replacement ironing board cover. Not only are they designed by Deidre Barlow's mum, have you ever tried fastening those stringy bits - or removing an old one? I lack magnifying vision and micro-engineered fingertips, so have experienced a less than ideal consumer experience.

If you've not cut yourself, crushed your fingers, done your back in or smashed up your house by the time you get the thing up, you may decide to try and iron something. Oh my. These things weren't designed to be used or interacted with, surely?

Blow one of these things and it'll fall over, let alone put a heavy iron on top of it at one side. If you can get the iron to stay on that annoying,
clangy, clattering metal tray. Even better, it might be a bit of chipboard.

Who came up with the shape? Is it like Saab, who keep reminding us they make fighter jets - do the makers of ironing boards make torpedos or surfboards? Let us iron large sheets one foot at a time over something more suited to an obstacle course.

Once they are done with the big tobacco companies, I'm all for a class action suit against the big ironing board corporations. You'll recognise me as the guy in the unironed shirt.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 Oct 2006, 13:31

This is a pressing problem.

I have a similar aversion to Ironing Boards and I find cloth horses almost as infuriating. Also, whilst at york races in august POP and I met a guy with a walking stick who had attended A&E that morning due to an altercation with a trouser press.

I digress, Dada, take my advice and stop spedning Â£4 on an ironing board. A coupe of months ago I invested almost Â£50 in a Brabantia board thet has a big ironing surface, wobbles when it ought to, unfolds and collapses with ease. It is a substantial piece of kit and it has transformed the ironiing experience. You are never going to love an ironing board but settling for something short of detestation is good.

Denise · Post by **Denise** » 24 Oct 2006, 13:34

I whole heartedly agree with all of Dadaist's comments above and would like to add that irons are burny. Which is why I don't own either an ironing board or an iron.
Life's too short for ironing and bad wine.
I buy clothes that don't need to be ironed.
D

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 24 Oct 2006, 14:25

Porty wrote: A coupe of months ago I invested almost Â£50 in a Brabantia board

At the risk of sounding as flash as you Porty I have to admit that I own one of these too, though it mostly gets used by the cat as a scatching post

However, in all the time I've owned it I've never figured out what the heck that orange rubber ball that hangs from it is meant to do

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 Oct 2006, 14:31

I think that one puts it over the end of the lever one uses to collapse the board. It prevents accidental collapse during ironing or sex. Mine isn't orange its red and I never use it.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 Oct 2006, 14:32

or gardening.

ali · Post by **ali** » 24 Oct 2006, 14:47

Denise wrote: I buy clothes that don't need to be ironed.
D

where???????

I remember M & S once sold a range of non-iron shirts and I tried a couple but it was a gigantic con

and I don't know why they didn't get sued for false claims about their products............

impossiblevoices · Post by **impossiblevoices** » 24 Oct 2006, 14:48

I think this is the saddest thing I have ever posted on any forum I have ever posted on but...

For Dada...

My ironing board!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:10

Marya wrote:
Porty wrote: A coupe of months ago I invested almost Â£50 in a Brabantia board
At the risk of sounding as flash as you Porty

I'm as flash as Porty and Marya (yikes!!). And at the risk of sounding a bit weird.....I quite like ironing!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:16

You sound a bit weird.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:16

ali wrote:I remember M & S once sold a range of non-iron shirts and I tried a couple but it was a gigantic con ............

These are not ordinary non-iron shirts, these were woven from the wool of crinkle free Yaks who roam free alongside the crystal clear rivers of outer-mongolia. We tale the wool and drizzle it with the gossamer mucus of albatross that soar high above the andes, only then do we package it in the opaqe film of early morning mist and stick a Â£4.99 label.

Its amazing the tossers that fall for it.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:21

Dadaist wrote:You sound a bit weird.

At least I spelt it correctly!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:23

impossiblevoices wrote:I think this is the saddest thing I have ever posted on any forum I have ever posted on but...

For Dada...

My ironing board!

What's that thing on the end? A toast rack?

These things are beyond hazardous.

impossiblevoices · Post by **impossiblevoices** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:35

Thats ridiculous, you'd end up with crumbs and marmalade all over your nice clean shirts!

That bit at the end is designed to hold a wine glass or a can of lager, whichever you prefer!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:39

My mistake. When I come down to your house with the RFP server, I'll bring a bottle for you. And my ironing.

kthxbye

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 24 Oct 2006, 15:53

Porty wrote:or gardening.

teddygirl · Post by **teddygirl** » 24 Oct 2006, 16:11

Poppy wrote:
Marya wrote:
Porty wrote: A coupe of months ago I invested almost Â£50 in a Brabantia board
At the risk of sounding as flash as you Porty
I'm as flash as Porty and Marya (yikes!!). And at the risk of sounding a bit weird.....I quite like ironing!!

Poppy, I hope you are not like my Mother who also likes ironing, and irons pants and socks

Denise · Post by **Denise** » 24 Oct 2006, 17:07

where???????

The trick is to buy clothes with slightly stretchy material and hang them up on clothes hangers to dry.

(Or not. Just have the brass neck to wear clothes wrinkly and claim it's a fashion statement/the fabric is meant to be like that)

Denise, Domestic Dogess

CatzVP · Post by **CatzVP** » 24 Oct 2006, 17:39

What the hell is an Iron??

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 17:45

teddygirl wrote:
Poppy wrote:
Marya wrote: At the risk of sounding as flash as you Porty
I'm as flash as Porty and Marya (yikes!!). And at the risk of sounding a bit weird.....I quite like ironing!!
Poppy, I hope you are not like my Mother who also likes ironing, and irons pants and socks

I said quite like

No, I do not iron pants and socks; I just find it therapeutic sometimes and use the time to watch TV or listen to BBC7!

CatzVP · Post by **CatzVP** » 24 Oct 2006, 18:18

Nope.....Still confused!!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 18:31

CatzVP wrote:Nope.....Still confused!!

About the topic of this thread - or just things in general?

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 24 Oct 2006, 18:38

What's everyone getting steamed up about

arachnid · Post by **arachnid** » 24 Oct 2006, 20:39

Black Mamba wrote:What's everyone getting steamed up about

Maybe it's your new non- ironable avatar mamba!!!!

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 24 Oct 2006, 20:41

arachnid wrote:
Black Mamba wrote:What's everyone getting steamed up about
Maybe it's your new non- ironable avatar mamba!!!!

Where's your Halloween avatar then Arachnid?

gilo · Post by **gilo** » 24 Oct 2006, 21:39

Dadaist wrote:If there's one thing I hate, it's ironing boards.

No you don't. Sure you think you do, but the ironing biard serves only as a conductor for your own self hatred. you can't blame it for that.

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:03

Those of you, like myself, who are feeling inadequate because you don't posess a flashy Brabantia ironing board like Porty and Marya may be interested to know that the entire range can be purchased online here.

The top of the range board comes in at a cool Â£119:99, for which you could purchase 36 of Dadaist's cheapo boards. But when you consider its extra features, I'm sure you will agree that it is worth every penny.

No water on your floor
Water collection tray and â€˜Aqua Bowlâ€™ that traps condensation easily
Complete with foldable steam unit holder with ergonomic design
Adjustable to your ideal working height from 77 to 96 cm
â€˜Safety lockâ€™ â€“ prevents ironing table collapsing accidentally

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:15

Bob - did you see the cover designs?

I'm not blaming it, but I'm really projecting my own self-hatred at the giraffe one!

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:35

Yes. I was just thinking that it would match perfectly with my other giraffe-themed laundry accessories.

Here's that aqua thingy gadget:

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:39

Those of you, like myself, who are feeling inadequate because you don't posess a flashy Brabantia ironing board like Porty and Marya

Why am I getting ignored!? I have a linen rack on mine!!

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:42

Oh well, if Poppy has got one as well then I'm definitely getting one. I'm toying with Blossom:

gilo · Post by **gilo** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:46

Poppy wrote:Why am I getting ignored!? I have a linen rack on mine!!

What I like about your attitude to ironing is that you look for the possibilities in it. Contrast that to someone who blames inanimate objects for the mood he gets in (I mean I've heard of blaming other people, but really...)

You're right ironing is/canbe therapeutic, atleast that's what I tell DJ Ines when I need my shirt doing. (That is just a joke, for those that don't know I'm 100% new man).

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:47

My cover is red with "Do not iron" in white. I laugh and laugh!!

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:47

Dadaist wrote:You sound a bit weird.

I second that, who really likes ironing

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 24 Oct 2006, 22:53

gilo wrote:Contrast that to someone who blames inanimate objects for the mood he gets in

Not just inanimate objects. I also blame Tesco Metro, and budgerigars.

Budgies really are a pet hate of mine.

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

Ironing boards suck

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