Captain Birdseye vs Bernard Matthews

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 15:06

Who would win out of a fight between Bernard Matthews and Captain Birdseye?

As a side issue, I'd also like to know who you think would win if they were allowed to bring their helpers with them - Captain could bring along a submarine, a ship and loads of kids dressed as pirates to the fight whereas Bernard could bring hordes of diseased pecking turkeys.

But the poll question is for a bare-knuckle fight with just Captain and Bernard in the ring.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 15:34

Salty sea dog Birdseye edges ahead. Is his sly, wry, experienced fighting style, earned during the hard years of his apprenticeship - as he weathered the storms and grappled his way up the fish finger heirarchy - enough to beat the earthy, hard-nosed, stocky and brutal slugging style of Mr Matthews?

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 06 Feb 2007, 16:27

Im quite partial to fishfingers so it'd have to be Captain Birdseye for me

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 16:52

I guess it's unavoidable that people will plump for the purveyor of the tasty frozen food of their choice, rather than a colder analysis of which fist will triumph.

Do any vegans reading have an impartial opinion on which of these evil fish/bird killers will win?

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 06 Feb 2007, 17:10

Dadaist wrote:Do any vegans reading have an impartial opinion on which of these evil fish/bird killers will win?

Yes. Captain Birdseye will kick the shit out of that smug-looking ***.

Skeely · Post by **Skeely** » 06 Feb 2007, 17:43

Nelson Hatstand wrote:Yes. Captain Birdseye will kick the *** out of that smug-looking ***.

It's much more fun reading the forum via RSS. Am I guilty of breaking commandment no. 3?

...you should not attempt to circumvent the profanity filter by any means

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 17:56

Captain Birdseye currently has a mandate to biff. Get your votes in now, especially if you are a shy Bernard fan. He is being slaughtered.

Nelson Hatstand · Post by **Nelson Hatstand** » 06 Feb 2007, 18:09

Dadaist wrote:Get your votes in now, especially if you are a shy Bernard fan. He is being slaughtered.

Oh good. He should have been gassed, along with his fucking turkeys.

(That one was for you, Skeely!)

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 06 Feb 2007, 18:19

Bernard, Matthew's dad could have Cpt Birdseye any day :naka:

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 19:25

Frozen pugilists neck and neck. Fish and meat deadlock. Use your democratic vote now in this online poll.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 19:57

Ah! Here comes Cap'n's reprobate nephew Jack Sparrow; Bernard has no chance now!!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 21:08

Dadaist wrote:the poll question is for a bare-knuckle fight with just Captain and Bernard in the ring.

We can get into the complicated stuff later, Poppy. Right now it's just mano a mano. Two topless men like nature intended. Who will come out on top?

YOU DECIDE.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 21:21

Dadaist wrote:
Dadaist wrote:the poll question is for a bare-knuckle fight with just Captain and Bernard in the ring.
We can get into the complicated stuff later, Poppy. Right now it's just mano a mano. Two topless men like nature intended. Who will come out on top?

YOU DECIDE

Humph, I have voted and am now on your "As a side issue, I'd also like to know who you think would win if they were allowed to bring their helpers with them"

So there.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 06 Feb 2007, 21:43

Has Matthews had his chips as Cpt Birdseye whacks him with frozen veg?
Is peas about to be declared?

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 22:00

Is BM a has-bean?

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:06

Marya wrote:Bernard, Matthew's dad could have Cpt Birdseye any day

bootifool Marya

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:16

I was visualising a duel with fish and turkeys as weapons

If not, then the new Captain could take Bernard any time, unless Bernard just sat on him first.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:16

foxy wrote:
Marya wrote:Bernard, Matthew's dad could have Cpt Birdseye any day
bootifool Marya

Have to admit it took several readings for me to realise the comma was intentional! And which Matthew she was jabbering about!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:22

rapunzell wrote:I was visualising a duel with fish and turkeys as weapons

I assume the fish (and turkey, to be on a level playing field!) would have to be frozen to be an effective weapon. But would CB use a whole cod against a wee Twizzler (now no longer made, I believe)?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:24

rapunzell wrote:I was visualising a duel with fish and turkeys as weapons

If not, then the new Captain could take Bernard any time, unless Bernard just sat on him first.

I guess it's like Doctor Who or James Bond in that I was visualizing the old geezer Captain. Is there a svelte new Bernard for generation Busted?

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:26

I think they'd have to use the whole beast - but they could have separate rounds for live beasts then frozen corpses, and one of each on land and water, just to be fair

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:28

rapunzell wrote:I think they'd have to use the whole beast - but they could have separate rounds for live beasts then frozen corpses, and one of each on land and water, just to be fair

Beginning to sound like Jeux Sans Frontiers (cannot for the life of me remember the English name

)!

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:36

Dadaist wrote:Frozen pugilists neck and neck. Fish and meat deadlock. Use your democratic vote now in this online poll.

Think the fishy POLers have been voting with their fins - 14 for fishman and 7 for turkeyman as I type!!

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:38

Is that a TV prog?

I can see a spin-off game where the two contestants use fishfingers and breaded chicken nuggets in Ninja-like throws. They could even sharpen the edges if they were frozen

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:40

We all just like to waffle and use smileys.

What part of the turkeys was a twizzler anyway?

It's a knockout, Poppy but sounds more sophisticted in French

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:43

rapunzell wrote:Is that a TV prog?

Yes, the one that the younger royals made total tubes of themselves on..

And Stuart Someone famously [but obviously not that famously

] compered.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:45

SoupDragon wrote:What part of the turkeys was a twizzler anyway?

Hate to think!!

SoupDragon wrote:It's a knockout, Poppy but sounds more sophisticted in French

"sophisticated" is not quite the right word!!!!!!!!!!!

rapunzell · Post by **rapunzell** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:47

Sounds like a good game for Porty beach in the summer, in between bouts of volleyball. Relaunched on Portobelly Telly!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:50

Poppy wrote:
Dadaist wrote:Frozen pugilists neck and neck. Fish and meat deadlock. Use your democratic vote now in this online poll.
Think the fishy POLers have been voting with their fins - 14 for fishman and 7 for turkeyman as I type!!

Birdseye RULE

Matthews FOOL

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:50

Dress up like numpties and compete against each other?
Sounds like my family

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:51

SoupDragon wrote:Dress up like numpties and compete against each other?
Sounds like my family

Royal or Royle??

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:53

Poppy wrote:
SoupDragon wrote:Dress up like numpties and compete against each other?
Sounds like my family
Royal or Royle??

Bit of both

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 06 Feb 2007, 23:55

SoupDragon wrote:
Poppy wrote:
SoupDragon wrote:Dress up like numpties and compete against each other?
Sounds like my family
Royal or Royle??
Bit of both

**curtseys**

bellybabe · Post by **bellybabe** » 07 Feb 2007, 10:52

Poppy wrote:
And Stuart Someone famously [but obviously not that famously ] compered.

Hall.

He lived in Glossop. In a posh house. And I'm sure he got done for shoplifting. Ah the joys of my home town. Elsie Tanner lived there too. And various footballers. And Andy Crane does - his kids are in my niece's class at school. I'm on the wrong thread, aren't I?

bellybabe · Post by **bellybabe** » 07 Feb 2007, 10:53

SoupDragon wrote:We all just like to waffle

Ooh, bit of subliminal propaganda there - would that be Birdseye Potato Waffles?

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

Captain Birdseye vs Bernard Matthews

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Captain Birdseye vs Bernard Matthews

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