What about this weather?

tom nimmo · Post by **tom nimmo** » 12 Jan 2007, 11:30

Right, that's enough mucking about. This weather we are experiencing has gone too far now. Really, what is the point of having a council if it can't give us proper January weather. Here's my plan. It's fairly common knowledge that global warming is going to swamp Portobello in about 12 weeks so I propose that we chuck all the kids out of the High School and put them in a tented city on Portobello park. I had a quick check this morning and there is no football going on and not a soul on the golf course so I can't imagine that anyone would notice. Assuming that the children have not yet destroyed everything in the school I think we should hire a couple of vans to get all the stuff out over the weekend and change the locks. I have a Volvo estate which I am willing to use, only if the rest of you chip in for the petrol as it's a bit of a gas guzzler. Once the school is empty I have a couple of mates who do building conversions and they could knock it into flats in no time, and I am sure we could do a deal with a not too dodgy mortgage lender so that there is enough of a skim to go round, if you get my drift. As this is my idea I think it is only fair that I get the penthouse flat. Contact me if you are in on this and we will make a start in the morning. Come on Portobello, we can make sure we've got dry feet while the rest of the city drowns. PS, anyone want to buy a soon to be underwater Georgian bungalow?

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 12 Jan 2007, 14:50

Ach, the kids at the High school could be issued with scuba gear and flippers.

A better money making scheme would be to start a business attaching jetties to first floor flats, for easy access to kayaks, rowing boats or even ..shudder from some... jet skis.

A gondola service would be needed to replace the LRT buses and is certainly a better idea than trams.

tom nimmo · Post by **tom nimmo** » 12 Jan 2007, 14:59

Welcome aboard Soupdragon. It's good to see that someone else is up for making a fast buck out of this global warming nonsense. Fleecing the jetskiers is an excellent idea as they obviously have more money than sense anyway. The only problem I can see with this would be that all the petrol stations will be under water.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 12 Jan 2007, 15:05

Aren't there big tanks on top of the High School building that we could store petrol in?
Or failing that just anchor an oil tanker over what was the Prom?

A hot soup stand floating around the High Street seems an excellent idea for the cold wet shoppers.

Of course if global warming increases the temperature I'll just have to serve gazpacho!

tom nimmo · Post by **tom nimmo** » 12 Jan 2007, 15:11

If there's no petrol will that be Calor gazpacho? Who wants soup when we will be basking in tropical temperatures anyway?

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 13 Jan 2007, 15:47

Once the school is empty I have a couple of mates who do building conversions and they could knock it into flats in no time, and I am sure we could do a deal with a not too dodgy mortgage lender so that there is enough of a skim to go round, if you get my drift. As this is my idea I think it is only fair that I get the penthouse flat. Contact me if you are in on this and we will make a start in the morning

I'm in. I will want the floor below the penthouse though, those waves could get pretty high.

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 14 Jan 2007, 00:44

Been thinking about this.
If we start building now we could have wave turbines in place for when the flooding starts, siting them in Bellfield Street, Bath St and other places leading to the beach where a good tidal flow will be expected. It may be a bit inconvenient for the people living there at present but in the long run we will need the power.
A large water wheel on the sides of taller buildings may be another idea.

As to the High school, the lower floors could be let out to fish farmers to give us some income. The pupils and teachers could be relocated to rafts tethered over Portobello Park or Figgate Park or another location ( feasablility studies and consultation may be an idea as one or two people might have opinions on this, or not).

The posties are going to have problems getting around so we need to start training ducks to deliver small letters . Obviously porpoises and dolphins will be required for larger parcels.

The pier could make a come back. Anybody got ideas on suitable sites?

Black Mamba · Post by **Black Mamba** » 14 Jan 2007, 15:01

The posties are going to have problems getting around so we need to start training ducks to deliver small letters . Obviously porpoises and dolphins will be required for larger parcels.

We could always get gondolas and be the Scottish Venice.

Skeely · Post by **Skeely** » 14 Jan 2007, 21:30

Black Mamba wrote:We could always get gondolas and be the Scottish Venice.

Here's Edinburgh as The Venice of the North. I don't think even the top floors of PHS will be above the water by then though.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 15 Jan 2007, 00:10

I've not posted on this thread but didn't want people to think I was ducking the issue - I just don't see any porpoise.

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 15 Jan 2007, 00:14

Dadaist wrote:I've not posted on this thread but didn't want people to think I was ducking the issue - I just don't see any porpoise.

Sleepless nights getting to you, D???

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 15 Jan 2007, 00:15

Who am I again?

Poppy · Post by **Poppy** » 15 Jan 2007, 00:19

Dadaist wrote:Who am I again?

Don't go there!!

Daddy to Neo D # 1 and the funny looking guy who changes Neo D #2's nappies!!

SoupDragon · Post by **SoupDragon** » 15 Jan 2007, 00:37

The joys of new parent hood
It drives you quackers

Maria · Post by **Maria** » 03 Feb 2007, 23:52

A new take on the old adage

don't eat the yellow snow

arachnid · Post by **arachnid** » 04 Feb 2007, 15:27

The Russian news agency states that orange and yellow snow fell over a 1,500 square kilometer (1,000 square miles) radius,

Now that's one big " pee" !!!!!