When the Early Learning Centre first opened, they set out their stall not only by their informative name but by memorable TV ads which gave the un-PC toys of our youth (GI-Joe/Action Man and Boibie) the finger - an animated soldier and his fur coat wearing moll were seen failing to infiltrate ELC's stores - clearly sending out a message that you could buy your stereotypes elsewhere.
Since replicating our DNA, Mrs D and I have become patrons of the ELC. Having never had occasion to enter before parenthood, I assumed that the shops were full of wooden blocks, inoffensive bears, plastic balls, shape-forming clay and the like.
Not so.
Imagine my surprise at being presented with stereotypes worse than those decried in the initial adverts - which at least reflect a world where GI Joe invades a new country every week and Barbie is on the front of "Ayup" magazines and fronting Channel 4's latest identikit "How large is your bottom" programming.
ELC have done worse than any of these superficial "stereotypes".
Cowboys
Imagine my shock at seeing Cowboy outfits and other invasion-related playthings. Today's society has thankfully realised that these evil individuals, as well as setting the pace for the attitudes of the modern "Wall Street" financial cowboy, represent the worst aspects of American history - stealing an entire continent from the people who got there first, enslaving individuals from other proud and ancient civilizations, and bringing the evils of fire water, christianity and gunpowder. I also really hope that white robe hanging next to the Cowboy outfit was a ghost!
Pirates
Reeling from my encounter with Shane, I happened upon an even worse example that ELC are making to our youth - piracy. Rather than teaching the value of correct seamanship - navigation, maritime law etc, ELC have instead decided to train our precious offspring to smash their ships into others, swing over on ropes and use cannon and cutlass to steal their gold and womenfolk. Presumably, arguments with other pirates over turf are settled at worst with more violence and at best with rum and song. And although I'm unfamiliar with salvage law, I don't think that a treasure map constitutes a contract with an owner of buried treasure.
Such is the topsy-turvy world of the pirate which ELC seeks to promote - with not a hint of information on, say recent advances in prosthesis technology (to inform tots that there are more functional modern alternatives to the hook and the wooden leg) - and no mention of responsible parrot ownership.
Ironing
Over on the pink gender-stereotype side of the store (you can tell by which flavour of child is on the front of the boxes) I was presented with the awful sight of a toy baby lying on a toy ironing board. Although this was obviously a mistake on the part of a previous young customer, no effort had been made by ELC staff to rectify the situation - meaning that someone impressionable could be misled into thinking that one can iron a baby - maybe in Omen III, but is this acceptable parentcraft? The answer is that it isn't.
Conclusion
Early Learning Centre have dropped the ball and failed to live up to their self-imposed standards. The other big chain toy warehouses may well be pirates and cowboys, but if you're going to have a manifesto it's best to actually read it first!