Found some of these on another site ... added in a few of my own ...
Circa 65 million minus roughly 10 years ago ... dinosaurs become extinct after discovering the delights of poppy consumption.
circa 10000 bce ... Ogg the Neanderthal invents the wheel. He loses control and it runs down a hill, killing Ergh, his best pal.
2306 bce .... Egyptian priest Horakhet is credited with inventing the modern fishing rod when he creates the world's first safety pin.
1453 bce ... The flushing toilet is invented, 600 years before the invention of toilet paper. Pundits declare it "the invention of the century."
1460 bce ... The toilet seat is invented. A further ten years pass before a hole is put in it.
900 bce ... King Solomon of Israel opens the first ever bank since he has more gold than anyone else.
333 bce ... Alexander the Great's doctor invents plaster of paris after the Battle of Gaugamela to treat Alexander's broken ankle.
15 ce ... Jesus Christ invents the lawnmower.
25 ce ... The lawn is invented by the Romans.
33 ce ... Romans crucify Jesus Christ in order to solve copyright issues on lawn.
490 ce ... Aelfwyn of Mercia discovers that dandelions make you pee the bed.
1066 … The modern dartboard is invented by Saxon peasants, though in those days it looked like the face of William the Conqueror.
1312 .... Angus McChav invents the flick-knife after his claymore was nicked when he got mugged by four English tinkies.
1604 ... Alice O'Jointpain is thrown out of medical school disguised as a man.
1887 ... The window is invented. Previously, people watched the outside through strategically places wormholes that deflected reality towards the interior of the house.
1916 ... Oscar Wilde invents his way out of a wet paper bag, much to his critics' annoyance.
1917 ... Russians shoot Nicholas II and then kick him around a bit, then shoot some more before having his head filed off and paraded around the streets for the local children in the neighbourhood to set on fire and beat with bamboo sticks.
1929 ... Winston Churchill farts in the House of Commons. The stink takes five days to clear. An anonymous Labour MP invents the air-conditioning system in honour of the fart!
1987 ... The window is reinvented, now with transparency.
1988 ... Certain countries are destroyed to invent the sea and discover a site for Portobello in Scotland.
1992 ... Bitter argument between Oscar Wilde and Neil Kinnock regarding the use of an apple. Resulted in Kinnock thumping Wilde over his invention of the fruit salad.
1999 ... Your mother is invented by Bill Gates as a beta Microsoft product.
2005 ... The invention of the sea is still pending. Portobello residents prepare annexation document to claim all of it when it comes into operation.