Deal Or No Deal

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 12 Jun 2006, 13:34

God exists.

God must exist - and here's the proof. Noel "Helicopter" Edmonds must have done a deal with the devil (or one of his minions) in order to attain this level of fame *again* after all the knocks he has taken in the past.

Normally, when you've killed a few people (whether it's getting them to jump out of a box without the elastic bit tied on, or in a helicopter crash) you don't get this kind of second chance - unless you have met and signed up with Mephistopheles - which Noel "Swap" Edmonds quite obviously has done.

Just as treaties between countries have secret clauses (which are only revealed long into the future, unless regimes are overthrown and the contents of existing pacts revealed in their entirety) so Noel's pact has a couple of interesting insertions :

i) He gets to know what's in those boxes of money
ii) He gets to understand the rules, cos I sure don't
iii) He never ages. Never. Not one day.

Noel "Dorian" Edmonds should be a shunned aging former celebrity - and instead he has risen again to lead this sinister cult, detail of which is more obfuscated than getting to the top of the Scientologists.

I understood the rules to Swap Shop, but this stuff is beyond me.

Are there any cultists on POL who could explain the rules to me?

rathbone · Post by **rathbone** » 12 Jun 2006, 13:49

There are no rules. This is the first genuinely zen game show.

* There is no "game".
* It requires no skill whatsoever.
* The paltry money is in the Tory blue boxes and the big bucks are in
the New Labour red ones.
* People who came with nothing get upset when they go away with
something.
* Noel Edmunds does not exist (it's a vacuous hologram)
* The audience only has one hand to clap with.

I'll be watching again later this afternoon.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 12 Jun 2006, 13:54

I remember a cartoon where the prize was "a million bucks" but turned out to be a million boxes - and in a final twist it turned out that each box had a $1 bill inside.

(You had to be there at the time though - I was 4 - and you have to say it in US English - ("a million baux") for the joke to be funny.)

ali · Post by **ali** » 12 Jun 2006, 14:02

rathbone wrote:This is the first genuinely zen game show.

* There is no "game".
* It requires no skill whatsoever.
* The paltry money is in the Tory blue boxes and the big bucks are in
the New Labour red ones.
* People who came with nothing get upset when they go away with
something.
* Noel Edmunds does not exist (it's a vacuous hologram)
* The audience only has one hand to clap with.

I'll be watching again later this afternoon.

ecm was watching this prog one day and tried to explain the rules to me - I still haven't a clue (and that's no reflection on either my intelligence or her ability to explain things) it does appear to exist in another dimension somewhere else - I mean not here (sort of) - what about the fetishization ( is that a word??) of the family photographs? - all that stroking and kissing of the pictures.

oh I give up - if you've seen it you know exactly what i mean.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 12 Jun 2006, 14:08

You are entirely correct.

Do you think Blobby "Noel" Edmonds has some sort of weakness - like holy water or something?

I remember when he did the cleverly titled "Noel's Christmas Presents" and the present was a ride in a Spitfire for an old veteran pilot - heartwarming stuff at Xmas except the old dude had this massive bogey up one nostril the whole time. He must hate watching the video.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 12 Jun 2006, 15:49

I used to really like his Radio 1 breakfast show and even Swap Shop was good in its early days, although that could have had a lot to do with Sally James. (or was that Tiswas?).

How weird did Noel go towards the end tho? All that stuff in crinkley crevice or whatever it was called. Nightmare.

Mind you compared to Keith Chegwin, Noel has had a fairly ornery time. How annoying is cheggers?

He started going of the rails when he married the down to earth babe that was Maggie Philbin. She was like something out of Tomorrow's World and cheggers rescued her from Raymond Baxter when he turned up on her doorstep one morning with a cheque for Â£5,000. Showbiz, sheesh!!

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 12 Jun 2006, 16:22

Sally James was on TISWAS

Gratuitous Sally James pic:

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 12 Jun 2006, 16:53

Gratuity much appreciated.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 12 Jun 2006, 16:59

Sally -yesterday.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 12 Jun 2006, 18:30

You're missing the point.

What's the point?

The clammy curse of Noel "Saturday" Edmonds.

Not only did Cheggers become alcoholic, I am also worried about the Mike Smith helo crash that made Sarah Greene's face wonky.

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 12 Jun 2006, 18:47

So you couldn't find one of her in her fishnets either?

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 12 Jun 2006, 19:21

It was only a matter of time:

And funnily enough, she now sells school uniforms for a living. Wonder where she got that idea?

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 12 Jun 2006, 19:39

As for Noel, he seems to have done a David Icke:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmic_Ordering

The Cosmic Ordering Service: A Guide to Realizing Your Dreams

This is a guide aimed at helping the reader realize their dreams - just by placing an order with the universe. The author explains how she used the "cosmic ordering service" to gain her dream job, the ideal man, money, health - even a castle to live in! She intends here to show the reader how to listen to their inner voice, place their order, sit back and let marvellous things just happen.

ifstar · Post by **ifstar** » 12 Jun 2006, 22:16

Flash version of the game - has the rules too :p

http://www.funmansion.com/html/fm-Deal-or-No-Deal.html

There is a UK version but it is very slow to play.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 13 Jun 2006, 09:11

Dadaist wrote:You're missing the point.

What's the point?

The clammy curse of Noel "Saturday" Edmonds.

Not only did Cheggers become alcoholic, I am also worried about the Mike Smith helo crash that made Sarah Greene's face wonky.

OMG that's true. Its def the curse of Noel. Who's getting it next?

Is there potention on Deal or No Deal, electrocution maybe?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 13 Jun 2006, 09:21

I dunno. If Noel "Box" Edmonds asked me to do anything to do with a box, whether it was guess what was in one, climb up a crane and jump out of one, or open one at Xmas, I would run away.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 13 Jun 2006, 09:49

He does have the best fake laugh in the business indeed in any business. It goes all the way to his eyes. Evil?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 29 Oct 2006, 21:48

There's an anniversary special on just now. It's truly amazing what you can do with some people, a studio, some boxes, a telephone, and The Accursed One.

This isn't weird television - this is a ritual.

Novastar · Post by **Novastar** » 29 Oct 2006, 23:14

Dadaist wrote:I remember a cartoon where the prize was "a million bucks" but turned out to be a million boxes - and in a final twist it turned out that each box had a $1 bill inside.

(You had to be there at the time though - I was 4 - and you have to say it in US English - ("a million baux") for the joke to be funny.)

It's a bug's bunny cartoon- Yosamite Sam wins the boxes. Remember it was on Rolf Harris' cartoon show a lot in the 80's. Saw it on Boomerang a few months ago (not that I watch children's TV channels you understand

)

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 16 Nov 2006, 15:54

At the weekend I read thar the Beeb are doing a one-off special of "Swap-Shop" with Noel, Cheggers, Maggie Philbin and John Craven. It is to be broadcast around xmas time. Guess they will see how it goes down and perhaps do a new series.

They are bringing back Jackanory too.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 16 Nov 2006, 16:07

Good grief! What's next?? Hartley Hare??

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 16 Nov 2006, 16:08

Cleopas wrote:Good grief! What's next?? Hartley Hare??

The Pogles.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 16 Nov 2006, 16:23

I meant Pogles Wood. My bad.

Sounds a bit risque does it not?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 20 Nov 2006, 12:34

Maggie Philbin was on BBC Breakfast this morning and she's gone blond. Still look good tho.

Jackson Priest · Post by **Jackson Priest** » 20 Nov 2006, 12:40

Porty wrote:Maggie Philbin was on BBC Breakfast this morning and she's gone blond. Still look good tho.

Are Maggie and Cheggers still together? I hope not.

I hate Cheggers. I once wrote to him and asked him if Swap-a-rama would come to Hartlepool.

Didn't even get the courtesy of a reply.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 20 Nov 2006, 12:46

Nah they got divorced a while back. He was an alcholic I'm always wary of people who appear to be permanently happy. He is annoying and even more so now that I am aware of your Hartlepool heart break

Back to Maggie. Am I correct in thinking that she was just a punter who turned up at a swap shop event and then ended up as a presenter?

Jackson Priest · Post by **Jackson Priest** » 20 Nov 2006, 13:09

er, I don't think so. I seem to remember that she was there at the inception of Swap Shop. It was her first gig I think - unlike Cheggers, who'd lived a previous life as a nauseating child 'star'.

In fact I preferred the dinosaur, Posh Paws, to Cheggers. The name Posh Paws came from a national competition to find the previously anonymous T-Rex a moniker. It was supposed to read Swap Shop backwards. Except... it didn't.

Have a read of this brilliant and quite frankly terrifying article on Noel and his tv programme. It's the stuff about the reports that gets me: http://arts.guardian.co.uk/features/sto ... 43,00.html

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 20 Nov 2006, 19:35

You are cxrect.

Maggie Philbin (born 23 June 1955 in Manchester, England) is a former British TV presenter. After studying Drama at Manchester University, with classmates including Adrian Edmondson, Ben Elton and Rik Mayall, she responded to an advertisement in The Stage and was offered the job of co-presenter on Multicoloured Swap Shop.[1] She is best remembered by many for her time on Tomorrow's World.

She married her co-presenter Keith Chegwin in 1982. The couple had a daughter, Rose, but divorced acrimoniously in 1993. With Noel Edmonds, they formed the one-hit wonder band Brown Sauce and had a minor hit with "I Wanna Be A Winner" in 1981.

Having previously been the joint breakfast show presenter with Jim Cathcart on BBC Radio Berkshire, Philbin is now the roving reporter for Andrew Peach on the same slot. She can also be seen occasionally on television advertisements.