Welcome netizens to the Kitcheners Deli Food Review thread, a must for the Portobello shopper.
I am proud to open this thread with a review of some of the selection of cheeses my family had at Christmas.
These three pictured above are part of a "cheese plate" of cheeses which I served to my family, along with some accompanying biscuits which were served with them.
"aroma"
Upon opening my cheeses, I was delighted to be presented with a selection of adequately labelled labels, each of which detailed the precise nature of the respective cheese. For example, my Brie De Meaux (which I presume is a subtle play on the lowing sound made by the cattle which conspired to produce this cheese) implied that it came from "South Of Paris" - this excited me tremendously as it cut down the area into a much more manageable chunk of this proud Earth.
"fetid"
Presentation of the cheese labels presented me with an initial problem - my inability to tear my mind away from its first impression of the word "Kitchener's" - this spoke more to me of the appalling stench of death at Flanders, The Somme and Wipers than it did of a carefully selected selection of comestibles. I simply could not remove the stain of war from my eyes - the gangrenous stench of cordite-laced grief, the needless wasteland of youth laid waste in a battle for imperialist supremacy. I wondered inwardly if any of the cows which had produced this cheese had lost relatives or loved ones to that conflict.
"frogs"
Finally my eyes alighted on the word "Delicatessen" and my ruminance at once alighted on my own, very personal, memories of similar establishments in Edinburgh - Loopy Pintos, IJ Smellys, Valvona & Crawler, Nastyuks - and I whimsied at the strangeness of the human predilection for paying premium prices to consume foodstuffs which have gone all dry and mouldy.
"growth"
Finally I peeled back the wax paper and elected to arrange my selection in the style of a platter of selected fromage. But this fromage was a homage to the decay and suffering inflicted on that lost generation of cows, thankfully oblivious now to the fact that their children's children earn $2 a day thanks to EU subsidy, as opposed to the $1 earned by humans in sub-Saharan Africa.
