office life

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Aug 2005, 09:14

Ah, the daily rituals of The Office. I have a special folder in Outlook marked "funny" where I squirrel away those painful group messages which, either intentionally or not, make me twist my face either in bemusement or pain.

Today we awoke to :

Will who ever used the bowls and plates lying on the kitchen sink, please put them back in the cupboard. They will not go there by themselves.

I can't get the picture of little bowls and plates with legs falling over each other in an effort to get back home.

Post by **wangi** » 30 Aug 2005, 12:03

The funny ones are when somebody emails everyone by mistake... "I'm away on holiday for a week, here's my cell number"... "Anyone want to join the Houston softball team?"...

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 30 Aug 2005, 17:02

Dadaist wrote:
Will who ever used the bowls and plates lying on the kitchen sink, please put them back in the cupboard. They will not go there by themselves.

the one in our office kitchen is - please leave the surfaces clean and tidy, the culprits know who they are.

Robin! · Post by **Robin!** » 30 Aug 2005, 17:21

Heres a few from my work:

Please remove your milk from the fridge on Friday as cleaners will not remove items in the fridge

No reading newspapers in the basement, your here to work

Who ever is stealing my milk, please stop it, get yourself over to chuffing Malek's, 30p a carton!

Please, Please, Please push the yellow button after use, so the next person doesn't get 20 copies or whatever you asked for

Please be gentle, the door doesnt need that much force to open

Please be neat and wipe the seat, leave the toilet as you'd expect to find it

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 30 Aug 2005, 19:17

wangi/sandra/robin - magical. office humanity at its finest. keep it coming.

does anybodys office do caption competitions? an old place i used to work which wangi knows about used to do some corkers - it's amazing what a great sense of humour some people have.

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 30 Aug 2005, 20:30

My current favourite in our office kitchen is "yer mother disnae work here!"

Epykat · Post by **Epykat** » 31 Aug 2005, 19:37

We've got these awful posters up just now. One of them is The Truth: You Know It Makes Sense - boke.

Robin! · Post by **Robin!** » 31 Aug 2005, 20:21

No Smoking, gas equipment in the vicinity

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 31 Aug 2005, 21:15

"Demotivators" - anti motivation posters :

http://www.despair.com/buasus.html

Robin! · Post by **Robin!** » 31 Aug 2005, 21:22

Dadaist wrote:"Demotivators" - anti motivation posters :

http://www.despair.com/buasus.html

The Flattery one is so true, boy at my work so far up managements ass, we nickname him Brown nose

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 28 Nov 2005, 14:12

This today, it raised a chuckle so I thought I'd share :

Just to let you know that there is a new toaster in the kitchen. It is the same as the last one.

Could the people who use it please note that crumbs will collect in the base of the toaster. Letting them build up is unhygienic, and could cause a fire hazard, so remove them frequently. Unplug the toaster, let it cool down fully, then lift the rear of the toaster and pull out the crumb trays. Empty them, wipe with a clean damp cloth, then dry thoroughly, before sliding them back into the base of the toaster.

Also I have ordered another kettle, which I have to collect on Wednesday.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:05

We would have had them on toast if that was someone in our office.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:07

Porty wrote:We would have had them on toast if that was someone in our office.

I just love the way that the fact that the new toaster was the same as the old toaster was pointed out.

And a whole paragraph about crumbs.

Did I post the mail about the soup?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:23

Don't think so but I tend to just skip over your stuff.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:26

Porty wrote:Don't think so but I tend to just skip over your stuff.

who are you again?

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:27

Tell us the soup story and I promise to read it.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:30

Porty wrote:Tell us the soup story and I promise to read it.

not even a story, just a short email :

Hia all,
Can who ever has a tub of Asda roasted red pepper soup in the door of the kitchen fridge please go up and clean the mess that in in the fridge as it has spilt down the door and on the floor.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:36

Do you have fridges in every room?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 28 Nov 2005, 16:39

Porty wrote:Do you have fridges in every room?

hahaha never noticed that. no, just in the kitchen.

just wait till i show you the knitting email i just found.

Ed · Post by Ed » 28 Nov 2005, 16:59

Funny signs...

When I was in Higher Computing at Porty High, there was a sign way above the blackboard that needed a stepladder that said

"If you choose to drink in class, you should expect detention"

We planned to replace the sign with one of our own and in a carefully planned operation involving next door's class and a colleague faking "finding the exam papers" on the classroom PC meaning our teacher (head of department) rushing through... We replaced said sign with:

"If you choose to drink coffee in class, you should expect cheese and biscuits"

Same font and everything. It lasted 3 days before it was mysteriusly replaced back. Said teacher never mentioned it.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 08 Dec 2005, 11:50

Today from above came an amusing email entitled "Fraud Visit And Christmas Raffle" but the two weren't related.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 13 Dec 2005, 12:24

There was a braclet lying on the Reception desk. If anyone has lost it please collect it from me.

Somehow I feel there's room for comedy here :

"....but if it was a present, cheers - it matches my necklace!"

Jackson Priest · Post by **Jackson Priest** » 20 Dec 2005, 12:11

In our kitchen at work, on the cupboard above the kettle, somebody has stuck up a sign with the following:

A picture of a kettle with a hand pointing to it

And underneath that:

"When I'm empty, please fill me up.
So that I can warm another cup.

Thanks from Mr Kettle"

I think I might make a sign saying "You don't have to be mad to work here - but it helps!"

Ha ha ha ha!

etc

Ed · Post by Ed » 20 Dec 2005, 12:19

Your kettle sign needs replaced with a subtle parody. Suggestions?

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 20 Dec 2005, 12:31

After 4 years of trying and multiple tickets bought, I have finally won something in my annual workplace Xmass raffle.

It's a bottle of Co-op soda water. A whole litre.

This time next year I am going to buy twice as many tickets. Oh yes.

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 20 Dec 2005, 13:32

Dadaist wrote:After 4 years of trying and multiple tickets bought, I have finally won something in my annual workplace Xmass raffle.

It's a bottle of Co-op soda water. A whole litre.

You would have thought it would have at least been Schweppes!

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 20 Dec 2005, 18:04

Pal of Porty wrote:
Dadaist wrote:After 4 years of trying and multiple tickets bought, I have finally won something in my annual workplace Xmass raffle.

It's a bottle of Co-op soda water. A whole litre.
You would have thought it would have at least been Schweppes!

shhh!

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 20 Dec 2005, 23:15

Jackson Priest wrote:In our kitchen at work, on the cupboard above the kettle, somebody has stuck up a sign with the following:

A picture of a kettle with a hand pointing to it

And underneath that:

"When I'm empty, please fill me up.
So that I can warm another cup.

Thanks from Mr Kettle"

Nice. We don't have a kettle - we have instant hot water point - ah bliss not having to wait for kettle to boil

ecm · Post by **ecm** » 20 Dec 2005, 23:21

Jackson Priest wrote:In our kitchen at work, on the cupboard above the kettle, somebody has stuck up a sign with the following:

A picture of a kettle with a hand pointing to it

And underneath that:

"When I'm empty, please fill me up.
So that I can warm another cup.

Thanks from Mr Kettle"

You wrote that yourself, didn't you. Admit it, go on.

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » 20 Dec 2005, 23:24

ecm wrote:
Jackson Priest wrote:In our kitchen at work, on the cupboard above the kettle, somebody has stuck up a sign with the following:

A picture of a kettle with a hand pointing to it

And underneath that:

"When I'm empty, please fill me up.
So that I can warm another cup.

Thanks from Mr Kettle"

You wrote that yourself, didn't you. Admit it, go on.

I agree

ecm · Post by **ecm** » 21 Dec 2005, 07:21

Ed wrote:Your kettle sign needs replaced with a subtle parody. Suggestions?

Spout, handle, lid of metal,
Please refill this fucking kettle.

Mate of Marya · Post by **Mate of Marya** » 21 Dec 2005, 07:48

Excellent

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 21 Dec 2005, 09:43

ecm wrote:
Ed wrote:Your kettle sign needs replaced with a subtle parody. Suggestions?

Spout, handle, lid of metal,
Please refill this *** kettle.

absolutely brilliant

Pal of Porty · Post by **Pal of Porty** » 21 Dec 2005, 13:38

ecm wrote: Spout, handle, lid of metal,
Please refill this *** kettle.

You have just sent shivers down my spine by reminding me of the many occasions I have had to sit through the "Singing Kettle" Xmas show. Thank goodness my kids are older now.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 21 Dec 2005, 13:40

Do they have a bar at the singing kettle show?

Talk Porty ~ Portobello

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