No, but there might be something stronger.Dadaist wrote:Do they have a bar at the singing kettle show?
http://www.thecourier.co.uk/output/2004 ... 2832t0.asp
And you'll need it, believe me.
office life
If you edit that article just right, you can make it say :
I find toddler's entertainment products sufficiently hallucinogenic as to remove any necessity for mind-altering chemicals. And them Tweenies is bad acid, man.the famous Fife-based Singing Kettle ... could lead ... to the ruin of people’s lives.
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Pal of Porty
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Jackson Priest
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ecm wrote:Spout, handle, lid of metal,
Please refill this *** kettle.
You genius. Ho ho ho etc.
I have replaced the offending article.
Note profanity filter-conscious retouching. It really says FUCKING.
Oh no - now I'm as bad as THEM.
JP.
PS. Can you spot the smug, vaguely sickening typographical joke?
Brilliant!Jackson Priest wrote:ecm wrote:Spout, handle, lid of metal,
Please refill this *** kettle.
You genius. Ho ho ho etc.
I have replaced the offending article.
Note profanity filter-conscious retouching. It really says ***.
Oh no - now I'm as bad as THEM.
JP.
PS. Can you spot the smug, vaguely sickening typographical joke?
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Jackson Priest
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No!Dadaist wrote:er....is it that the steam from the kettle has wiped away the bit where it says "mother-f*****g" ?
Shall I tell you?
Wait for it...
...
The really hilarious joke is...
the font I used was...
COPPER-PLATE!!!
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!HA! HA! HA!HA! HA! HA!
Look, I'm really sorry, ok? I said it was rubbish.
JP.
...I took it to mean a conglomeration of copper kettle and hot plate... thereby continuing the kitchen theme into the font...not even remotely funny of course -
Jackson Priest
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This is the bit I don't understand.foxy wrote:I took it to mean a conglomeration of copper kettle and hot plate
1. The "Singing" kettle is simply made of metal. Copper isn't mentioned even if it may or may not be heated on a hotplate.
2. Modern electric kettles aren't made of copper either.
I do know that the Victorians taught a certain handwriting called Copper Plate, which I thought was more to do with etching. What does this have to do with consumption of tea and children's entertainment - or humour, for that matter?
I demand satisfaction.
office death
I was off work yesterday with a touch of man-flu, and missed the following sequence of emails :
By 2pm (perhaps after the calming effects of lunch) festivities were restored to being the 25th and 26th, and 1st and 2nd, respectively.
Phew!
edit -> I originally mis-typed calming to spell "claming"
followed quickly by :"Please also note that the xmas and new year holidays for this year are as follows:
Christmas - 26th and 27th December 2006
New Year - 2nd and 3rd January 2007"
which was then followed by :Just to let you know that there is a typing error in the email below and that its 25th, 26th and 27th for Christmas and 1st, 2nd and 3rd of January for New Year
These mails came out at 11.04am, 11.54am and 12.07pm by which time the person who sent them was probably a tad embarrassed.Please ignore all correspondence on the above, and I will get the correct dates confirmed.
By 2pm (perhaps after the calming effects of lunch) festivities were restored to being the 25th and 26th, and 1st and 2nd, respectively.
Phew!
edit -> I originally mis-typed calming to spell "claming"
Re: office death
You have already had your New Year holiday this year, those are for next yearJust to let you know that there is a typing error in the email below and that its 25th, 26th and 27th for Christmas and 1st, 2nd and 3rd of January for New Year
--
Ed
Ed
We got an email yesterday informing us of the various cultural and religious dates coming up soon :
That was at 16:56. Today at 13.39 we got another one which read :April
5 - Ch'ing Ming (Chinese)
The Festival of Pure Brightness takes place in spring when the ice and snow have gone and plants are beginning to grow again. It is also the first time in the year when family grave are visited. Families make a great effort to be together and go to the graves to respect the dead.
After cleaning and tending the graves, offerings are made to the spirits. Quite often ‘Bank of Hell’ money will be burnt at the same time.
This money distracts the evil spirits who will, given half a chance, intercept the goods and take them for themselves. While the evil spirits are chasing the Hell money, the valuable goods pass safely to the dead.
Many families have picnics by the graves to join their ancestors in feasting. Ch'ing Ming is often marked by kite flying, a favourite Chinese passion.
12-20 - Passover (Jewish)
Passover is one of the most important religious festivals in the Jewish calendar and lasts eight days. Jews celebrate the Feast of Passover (Pesach in Hebrew) to commemorate the liberation of the Children of Israel who were led out of Egypt by Moses. The story of Passover is told in the Book of Exodus.
Before the festival, homes are spring cleaned to ensure no trace of leaven (yeast) is left. At the start of the festival, a Sedar meal is held in the family home, when the story of the deliverance from Egypt is recounted. Matzah (unleavened bread) and other unleavened foods, coconut pyramids and matza balls are eaten.
14 - Vaisakhi (Sikh)
This festival is the most important date in the Sikh calendar. It is both the Sikh New Year festival and the anniversary of the founding of the Order of the Khalsa by the 10th Guru, Guru Gobind Singh.
In 1699, the tenth guru, Guru Gobind Singh, chose Vaisakhi (an already long-established harvest festival in the Punjab), as the occasion to transform the Sikhs into a family of soldier saints, known as the Khalsa Panth.
In the UK, a decorated flag is placed on the front of the Gurdwara, or temple, to signify the start of the festival. Most Sikhs, which means seekers of truth, are baptised during the festival.
21 - Birthday of the Prophet Muhammad (Muslim)
Milad un Nabi is celebrated on the 12th of Rabi-ul-Awwal, the third month of the Muslim calendar. This date is important to Muslims because the birth of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is regarded as a great blessing for the whole of humanity. Muslim parents will tell stories of the Prophet's life to their children.
The Prophet Muhammad is deemed to be the chief of all the Prophets sent on earth and it is to him that the Holy Qur'an was revealed.
In some large cities in the Muslim world, the day is marked with processions and flag waving, and the streets and mosques are decorated with lights. As well as telling stories about the Prophet's life, salutations and songs in his praise are recited.
Some Muslims donate to charity. Families gather together, feasts are arranged and food is served to guests and the poor. In the UK, Muslims celebrate this at the mosque.
23 - St George's Day
This marks the celebration of St George, the patron saint of England. He's popularly identified with England and English ideals of honour, bravery and gallantry - but actually he wasn't English at all. His particular significance to England is not clear since he lived and died in the Middle East in the 3rd century, but it is possible that his popularity grew after the Crusades, when his red cross on a white background was adopted as their symbol.
The earliest known British reference to St George occurs in an account by St. Adamnan, the 7th century Abbot of lona. He's believed to have heard the story from Arcuif, a French bishop who had travelled to Jerusalem and other holy places in Palestine.
The saint is also mentioned in the writings of the Venerable Bede. He is not only patron saint of England but also of Aragon, Catalonia, Georgia, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal, Germany, Greece, Moscow, Istanbul, Genoa and Venice (second to St Mark).
Dear All
I am glad that some of you are reading this and have spotted the deliberate ommission.......
Easter
16 April 2006
Easter commemorates the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is the most important Christian festival, and the one celebrated with the greatest joy.
The date of Easter changes each year, and several other Christian festivals fix their dates by reference to Easter.
Churches are filled with flowers, and there are special hymns and songs. But not all Easter customs are Christian; some, such as the Easter Bunny, are Pagan in origin.
The Easter story is at the heart of Christianity
On Good Friday, Jesus Christ was executed by crucifixion. His body was taken down from the cross, and buried in a cave.
The tomb was guarded and an enormous stone was put over the entrance, so that no-one could steal the body.
On the following Sunday, some women visited the grave and found that the stone had been moved, and that the tomb was empty.
Jesus himself was seen that day, and for days afterwards by many people. His followers realised that God had raised Jesus from the dead.
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sunnyporty
- Posts: 52
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There was a sign put on our fridge at work after the 3rd day of sandwiches being stolen.
To the poor starving thief ...take another sandwich out of this fridge and your hands will be amputated.WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE you've been seen coughing on the pepper.
To the poor starving thief ...take another sandwich out of this fridge and your hands will be amputated.WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE you've been seen coughing on the pepper.
theres no such thing as bad weather only the wrong clothes