World Cup 2006

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 10 Jul 2006, 22:48

I don't condone Zidane's actions but I reckon Materazzi probably got a very small taste of what he has been dishing out for years.

This video clip contains language unsuitable for children and examples of Materazzi's defensive 'attributes'.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7HblsV-urHg

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 11 Jul 2006, 09:15

ali wrote:When the Hearts go out of the Cup do you swing in 100% to support the Hi-bees? I don't think so.

I don't believe I will ever face the dilemma but if Hibs got to the Final and played Celtic or Rangers, I would want Hibs to win. I suspect many Hibs fans feel the same about both Hearts the Cup and the League.

As for supporting England? Andy Murray came out against England, which somewhat dismayed me, however at his age and for a good few years after I felt the same as he did. As I got older I got less parochial and I like to think a bit more mature and egalitarian. I became less inclined to stereotype or denigrate people just because they hail from somewhere different from me. Being from Hawick I don't expect that you will ever experience this metamorphosis.

ali · Post by **ali** » 11 Jul 2006, 11:12

Porty wrote:
ali wrote:When the Hearts go out of the Cup do you swing in 100% to support the Hi-bees? I don't think so.
I don't believe I will ever face the dilemma but if Hibs got to the Final and played Celtic or Rangers, I would want Hibs to win. I suspect many Hibs fans feel the same about both Hearts the Cup and the League.

As for supporting England? Andy Murray came out against England, which somewhat dismayed me, however at his age and for a good few years after I felt the same as he did. As I got older I got less parochial and I like to think a bit more mature and egalitarian. I became less inclined to stereotype or denigrate people just because they hail from somewhere different from me. Being from Hawick I don't expect that you will ever experience this metamorphosis.

Never mind slapping on conditions about "if" Hibs got to a final or about who they would face. The truth is that you are a jambo and wouldn't support the Hibs under any conditions but twice to my knowledge on here you have made it known that you would willingly support England. I just wonder what yer point is, caller??

If supporting England and being old makes you less parochial, more mature, egalitarian and less inclined to stereotype and denigrate people then I'll happily stay a young Scotland fan and be a part time grumpy git.

At least that way I'll be able to retain some dignity and a drop of integrity.

Dadaist · Post by **Dadaist** » 11 Jul 2006, 11:25

Never mind Zidane vs Materazzi - it's Porty vs Ali !!!

I'm only doing this post to try and stay ahead of Porty. There can be only one top poster.

Here's a comedy web picture office attachment topical humour thing :

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 11 Jul 2006, 14:30

Porty wrote:

I don't believe I will ever face the dilemma but if Hibs got to the Final and played Celtic or Rangers, I would want Hibs to win. I suspect many Hibs fans feel the same about both Hearts the Cup and the League.

As a member of a family that are rabid Hibs supporters (I'm not into footie as much!) I can tell you that supporting the Jambos will NEVER happen under ANY circumstance whatsoever. The only other team they hate as much is of course, the Bluenoses. It's a toss-up who they want to win when those two play each other ... if at all.

Actually they try not to think about it.

Well, frankly, they don't!

I'm glad I prefer ice-skating!

ali · Post by **ali** » 11 Jul 2006, 20:16

And it came to pass that all the nations upon the earth did come together and tooketh part in ball kicking competitions, and the World cup Spirit was upon the hearts of men. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and occasional jubilation.

And there dwelt in a house in the settlement of Tott-en-Ham, in the land of Haringey, a woman much afflicted with children. And these children were greatly excited by the gladiatorial games of foot, and were much given to chanting, "Engggg-lund" yea even at breakfasttime.

The woman's husband, a goodly man who kept his own counsel and abode mostly in his shed, was also visited by a fearsome plague at this time. Under the noisome influence of this plague, he grew restive and spoke in tongues, before the household god which they worshipped, which causeth the Lord much wrath.

"Call that a free kick?", "Useless defending", "They didn't deserve to win playing like that", were just some of the fearful utterances to be heard. The woman was sore afraid at this, and took refuge in the aisle of the temple, which is called Sainsbury. It was cool within, and all was calm. And the woman saw that it was good.

And lo! There is a man in a country of the west who foresees troubled times in his house, and raised voices, and a divided family unto the second generation. For verily and rightly he knows that before the Shrine of the Screen all others are priests of the pig's bladder, while he alone worships lawn tennis quietly. And, furthermore, his favourite priest Andre is preaching today and probably at the same time as the men of england take up arms against the men of portugal. And in truth, the man in a country of the west hopes with fervour that the men of portugal prevail this day.

There was a man who removed himself from England to dwell in a far country across the ocean where the states are united into one. And the inhabitants thereof care little for the Cup of the World, for they haveth their own game called 'football', which is in no wise like unto the game they call 'soccer'. And lo! The team of that country was eliminated in the first round, having scored only once in three games. And there was much apathy in that land.

And it came to pass that the armies of Inger-lund were desirous that they should smite Portu-gal, yea even unto the semi-finals. And the people of Inger-lund did rejoice, saying "we have been in the wilderness for forty years, and surely Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, can bring us to the promised land", though some did wail and gnash their teeth and cry "with Peter of Crouch in the squad? You're 'avin' a larf, incha?", and many cast down their glances, muttering "why doth he not play the child who was promised to us?" And the armies of Inger-lund and Port-ugal did meet on the field of Gelsenkirchen. And the people of Inger-lund did congregate in their houses and in pubs to regard the battle, and the streets were desolate.

And the followers of Inger-lund did see that Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, did play but with one up front, and that Peter of Crouch battled not. And they were glad, saying "verily, he is an impact substitute at best, who bringeth something different into the mix with twenty minutes left. For the sons of Port-ugal shall see the Crouchathon bearing down like some spindly Godzilla, and they shall be sore afraid, and they will wail and rend their garments, saying 'O Lord, why hast thou deserted us?'"

And on the Bench of Subs there dwelt a boy, The-o of Walcott. And Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson did raise him up and exalt him and say "thou shalt be my surprise pick for the squad, for Wen-ger did prophesy that thou shalt perform miracles", and did lead The-o into the land of Germany. And the armies of Inger-lund did toil in the field and were sore weary, yet The-o was not summoned from the Bench of Subs, and the followers of Inger-lund did scorn, and say "verily, why did Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, put the lad in the squad, yet playeth him not? Hath he lost all his marbles?"

And amongst the men there were some who cried not 'Ingerlund', nor did they gather in multitudes in taverns to give praise unto the prophets, for they knew not the names of the prophets, nor the History of Transfers even unto the late 1970s, nor even the Law of The Side of Off, and these men were known as the Tribe of Art-Te-Poofs. And this tribe did come unto the women and say unto them 'Look, neither are we cromagnons, nor do we chant unto the prophets in the taverns, nor do we frankly give a fuck about the mighty battles in the Ball of Foot.' There grew a mighty muttering amongst the Art-Te-Poofs growing to a fearsome roar of 'Lawson, Lawson, why hast thou forsaken us' when Front Row dideth a package on the Battles of Ball of Foot. And even their local taverns did put a Screen of Wideness in the room which is called a snug, and the Tribe fleddeth into the Garden of Beer muttering 'How wouldst thou like it if the put updates about rehearsals at the National on every 15 minutes'. But the multitudes in the taverns heard them not, the tavern owners heard them not, and even their womenfolk saw only their beards and their private parts did assume they were as other men. So the Art-Te-Poofs spent 40 days and 40 nights in the Land of Sulk, and did read books until the whole thing had gone away.

The people who dwelt in the Land of Eng (which is East of Sweden) walked in sorrow for they knew not that which is important or that which is not important. And they said unto each other "who can we blame for this which has come upon us?" And in a dream the Lord appeared to them and said "Whyfore do you walk in sorrow for have I not given you a scapegoat who can be blamed for this disaster? did I not give a mark upon the foot of Wayne who is also called Rooney so that all injury could be blamed upon it?" And the people understood not the dream. And the people turned to the scribes of the news who was called Rupert (of the land of Murdoch where night is day and day is night) and said unto him "The lord has spoken and he has called for a scapegoat who we can blame for that which has befallen us." And Rupert gave thanks that the people had short memories and remembered not when Wayne of the Rooney was hailed as a King for he now had become the scapegoat of the people and was cast out.

At the same time there were savages to the North who wished to have a king so that they could hail him. And they did see upon them Andrew of the House and Line of Murray and built for him an altar so they could praise him. And they knew not Rooney and learned not the lesson.

And the tabloids did search for a scapegoat for the loss of Inger-lund, for they they had foretold that the army would be victorious, yea even in the final. And they feared the wrath of the people, that they might scornfully say "thou art false prophets, for thou didst all say we could win the bloody thing, and we went out in the bleeding quarters. Again".

And Shrek of Rooney did proclaim "I never meant to geld Carvalho, such that I received the Card of Red". And the tabloids saw that he told not the truth, but did say "it was all that Cristiano Ronaldo's fault, with his diving and winking". And so the tabloids did pull the wool over the eyes of the people, who were yet dulled with drink and disappointment, and they saw that it was not good, but were too weary to complain.

And The-o of Walcott did return from Germany, where he toiled not, and he was not weary nor beaten. And he smiled when he thought he would only be one and twenty years in 2010.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 11 Jul 2006, 21:01

ali wrote:And it came to pass that all the nations upon the earth did come together and tooketh part in ball kicking competitions, and the World cup Spirit was upon the hearts of men. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and occasional jubilation.

And there dwelt in a house in the settlement of Tott-en-Ham, in the land of Haringey, a woman much afflicted with children. And these children were greatly excited by the gladiatorial games of foot, and were much given to chanting, "Engggg-lund" yea even at breakfasttime.

The woman's husband, a goodly man who kept his own counsel and abode mostly in his shed, was also visited by a fearsome plague at this time. Under the noisome influence of this plague, he grew restive and spoke in tongues, before the household god which they worshipped, which causeth the Lord much wrath.

"Call that a free kick?", "Useless defending", "They didn't deserve to win playing like that", were just some of the fearful utterances to be heard. The woman was sore afraid at this, and took refuge in the aisle of the temple, which is called Sainsbury. It was cool within, and all was calm. And the woman saw that it was good.

And lo! There is a man in a country of the west who foresees troubled times in his house, and raised voices, and a divided family unto the second generation. For verily and rightly he knows that before the Shrine of the Screen all others are priests of the pig's bladder, while he alone worships lawn tennis quietly. And, furthermore, his favourite priest Andre is preaching today and probably at the same time as the men of england take up arms against the men of portugal. And in truth, the man in a country of the west hopes with fervour that the men of portugal prevail this day.

There was a man who removed himself from England to dwell in a far country across the ocean where the states are united into one. And the inhabitants thereof care little for the Cup of the World, for they haveth their own game called 'football', which is in no wise like unto the game they call 'soccer'. And lo! The team of that country was eliminated in the first round, having scored only once in three games. And there was much apathy in that land.

And it came to pass that the armies of Inger-lund were desirous that they should smite Portu-gal, yea even unto the semi-finals. And the people of Inger-lund did rejoice, saying "we have been in the wilderness for forty years, and surely Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, can bring us to the promised land", though some did wail and gnash their teeth and cry "with Peter of Crouch in the squad? You're 'avin' a larf, incha?", and many cast down their glances, muttering "why doth he not play the child who was promised to us?" And the armies of Inger-lund and Port-ugal did meet on the field of Gelsenkirchen. And the people of Inger-lund did congregate in their houses and in pubs to regard the battle, and the streets were desolate.

And the followers of Inger-lund did see that Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, did play but with one up front, and that Peter of Crouch battled not. And they were glad, saying "verily, he is an impact substitute at best, who bringeth something different into the mix with twenty minutes left. For the sons of Port-ugal shall see the Crouchathon bearing down like some spindly Godzilla, and they shall be sore afraid, and they will wail and rend their garments, saying 'O Lord, why hast thou deserted us?'"

And on the Bench of Subs there dwelt a boy, The-o of Walcott. And Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson did raise him up and exalt him and say "thou shalt be my surprise pick for the squad, for Wen-ger did prophesy that thou shalt perform miracles", and did lead The-o into the land of Germany. And the armies of Inger-lund did toil in the field and were sore weary, yet The-o was not summoned from the Bench of Subs, and the followers of Inger-lund did scorn, and say "verily, why did Sven, son of Goran-Erikkson, put the lad in the squad, yet playeth him not? Hath he lost all his marbles?"

And amongst the men there were some who cried not 'Ingerlund', nor did they gather in multitudes in taverns to give praise unto the prophets, for they knew not the names of the prophets, nor the History of Transfers even unto the late 1970s, nor even the Law of The Side of Off, and these men were known as the Tribe of Art-Te-***. And this tribe did come unto the women and say unto them 'Look, neither are we cromagnons, nor do we chant unto the prophets in the taverns, nor do we frankly give a *** about the mighty battles in the Ball of Foot.' There grew a mighty muttering amongst the Art-Te-*** growing to a fearsome roar of 'Lawson, Lawson, why hast thou forsaken us' when Front Row dideth a package on the Battles of Ball of Foot. And even their local taverns did put a Screen of Wideness in the room which is called a snug, and the Tribe fleddeth into the Garden of Beer muttering 'How wouldst thou like it if the put updates about rehearsals at the National on every 15 minutes'. But the multitudes in the taverns heard them not, the tavern owners heard them not, and even their womenfolk saw only their beards and their private parts did assume they were as other men. So the Art-Te-*** spent 40 days and 40 nights in the Land of Sulk, and did read books until the whole thing had gone away.

The people who dwelt in the Land of Eng (which is East of Sweden) walked in sorrow for they knew not that which is important or that which is not important. And they said unto each other "who can we blame for this which has come upon us?" And in a dream the Lord appeared to them and said "Whyfore do you walk in sorrow for have I not given you a scapegoat who can be blamed for this disaster? did I not give a mark upon the foot of Wayne who is also called Rooney so that all injury could be blamed upon it?" And the people understood not the dream. And the people turned to the scribes of the news who was called Rupert (of the land of Murdoch where night is day and day is night) and said unto him "The lord has spoken and he has called for a scapegoat who we can blame for that which has befallen us." And Rupert gave thanks that the people had short memories and remembered not when Wayne of the Rooney was hailed as a King for he now had become the scapegoat of the people and was cast out.

At the same time there were savages to the North who wished to have a king so that they could hail him. And they did see upon them Andrew of the House and Line of Murray and built for him an altar so they could praise him. And they knew not Rooney and learned not the lesson.

And the tabloids did search for a scapegoat for the loss of Inger-lund, for they they had foretold that the army would be victorious, yea even in the final. And they feared the wrath of the people, that they might scornfully say "thou art false prophets, for thou didst all say we could win the *** thing, and we went out in the bleeding quarters. Again".

And Shrek of Rooney did proclaim "I never meant to geld Carvalho, such that I received the Card of Red". And the tabloids saw that he told not the truth, but did say "it was all that Cristiano Ronaldo's fault, with his diving and winking". And so the tabloids did pull the wool over the eyes of the people, who were yet dulled with drink and disappointment, and they saw that it was not good, but were too weary to complain.

And The-o of Walcott did return from Germany, where he toiled not, and he was not weary nor beaten. And he smiled when he thought he would only be one and twenty years in 2010.

Kudos!!!

foxy · Post by **foxy** » 11 Jul 2006, 22:10

Cleopas wrote: Kudos!!!

Who does he play for

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 12 Jul 2006, 09:45

Superb work Ali. Even down to the finer detail.

Look how he uses the word probably in the following sentence. to avoid an inaccuracy. I was at Wimbledon that day and Agassi had been depatched by Nadal before England kicked a ball. Murray was playing Roddick as England perished. I was briefly tempted to shout the result out as encouragement to Murray but the boy was doing well enough on his own.

ali wrote:. And, furthermore, his favourite priest Andre is preaching today and probably at the same time as the men of england take up arms against the men of portugal.

Respect to you sir. GOG

Izzie · Post by **Izzie** » 12 Jul 2006, 12:58

ali just seen your post

As Porty said Respect Sir ali.

ali · Post by **ali** » 12 Jul 2006, 15:32

Izzie wrote:ali just seen your post

As Porty said Respect Sir ali.

goode people of portobello (and yes even unto that oik mcgachie in the land down under who used to be called hiboz), much as I would like to claim the credit I cannot.
For verily I did copy and paste it from a forum in another place.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 12 Jul 2006, 15:42

It would seemeth unto me then, that thou art a plagiarist of sorts. Knoweth thee who thou nickedeth it off??? For lo ... genius should credited and thou can bathe in the reflected glory, for thou knew how(eth) to use it and where.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 12 Jul 2006, 16:35

ali wrote:
Izzie wrote:ali just seen your post

As Porty said Respect Sir ali.
goode people of portobello (and yes even unto that oik mcgachie in the land down under who used to be called hiboz), much as I would like to claim the credit I cannot.
For verily I did copy and paste it from a forum in another place.

Is it Hibox? What did i miss?

Bob Jefferson · Post by **Bob Jefferson** » 12 Jul 2006, 16:37

I wondered whether it was original or not and I tried googling a few phrases but came up with nothing. Very funny in any case.

Cleopas · Post by **Cleopas** » 12 Jul 2006, 19:51

We could all use hundreds of gems like Ali did ...it's knowing WHEN to use it that gives the poster their moment of genius! And Ali deserves his/hers!

ali · Post by **ali** » 12 Jul 2006, 20:29

Cleopas wrote:We could all use hundreds of gems like Ali did ...it's knowing WHEN to use it that gives the poster their moment of genius! And Ali deserves his/hers!

fellow citizens of portobello, even tho I am mightily reluctant to bathe in the rays of golden adulation which reflect from the mystery scribe who hath conjured up this epistle, nay a little embarrased even, I accept your kudos with regard to the timing of the post and shall treasure this moment even unto the end of my days.

ali · Post by **ali** » 12 Jul 2006, 20:31

Porty wrote:
ali wrote:
Izzie wrote:ali just seen your post

As Porty said Respect Sir ali.
goode people of portobello (and yes even unto that oik mcgachie in the land down under who used to be called hiboz), much as I would like to claim the credit I cannot.
For verily I did copy and paste it from a forum in another place.
Is it Hibox? What did i miss?

I beg you sire, don't be silly.

Porty · Post by **Porty** » 13 Jul 2006, 16:23

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/13 ... t_outrage/

If it doesn't work copy this into your browser, its quite funny.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/13 ... t_outrage/

ali · Post by **ali** » 13 Jul 2006, 22:55